The Love We Think We Understand
If we are being brutally honest, many Muslims emotionally behave like a five year old.
Not in a childish way, but in how we attach.
A child clings to whoever is most visible, most present, and most comforting in the moment.
So if the grandmother, neighbour, or helper is the one spending most of the hours with the child, that is the person the child feels closest to.
Meanwhile, the parents might be:
- working ten hours a day
- paying bills
- sacrificing sleep
- worrying nonstop about the child’s future
But the child does not understand depth. The child responds only to presence. This is exactly how many adults behave with love. We cling to the people we can see. We forget the One who is actually providing everything.
The Highest Love Is Non Negotiable
Allah tells us straight:
“But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah.”
Surah Al Baqarah 2:165
https://quran.com/2/165
And Allah warns us very bluntly:
“If your fathers, sons, spouses, relatives, wealth, business, or homes you love are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and striving in His cause, then wait for Allah’s decision.”
Surah At Tawbah 9:24
https://quran.com/9/24
This verse punches straight to the ego.
If losing your spouse scares you more than losing your deen, your love is misaligned. If your child’s happiness is more important to you than Allah’s pleasure, your foundation is slipping.
Rasulullah Must Come Before Everyone Else
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“None of you truly believes until I am more beloved to him than his father, his child, and all people.”
Sahih Bukhari 15
https://sunnah.com/bukhari:15
Cherish the Relationships Allah Gave You — But Do Not Let Ego Destroy Them
Just because family is not the highest love does not mean you treat them lightly.
You are commanded to honour them, care for them, and maintain beautiful character.
“And live with them in kindness.”
Surah An Nisa 4:19
https://quran.com/4/19
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“The most perfect of believers are those with the best character.”
Sunan At Tirmidhi 1162
https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:1162
That means:
- Do not treat your family like they are replaceable.
- Do not speak to your parents with arrogance.
- Do not humiliate your children in anger.
- Do not let your wounded pride sabotage relationships.
- Least of all, do not abundant ALLAH’s gifts.
These people are gifts from Allah. If He trusted you with them, honour the trust.
The Heart’s Correct Order
Here is the Islamic emotional formula:
- Allah — the One you cannot afford to lose
- Rasulullah ﷺ — the one you follow with love
- Family and others — blessings, amanah, sources of mercy
- Dunya comforts — temporary, not to be worshipped
The moment the list flips, life flips with it.
More Reads
- Building Confidence – How Faith Enhances Self-Esteem in Muslim Women
- Ayat Kursi and Why Reciting It Changes Your Inner World – Episode 1
