The Love We Think We Understand
If we are being brutally honest, many Muslims emotionally behave like a five year old.
Not in a childish way, but in how we attach.
A child clings to whoever is most visible, most present, and most comforting in the moment.
So if the grandmother, neighbour, or helper is the one spending most of the hours with the child, that is the person the child feels closest to.
Meanwhile, the parents might be:
- working ten hours a day
- paying bills
- sacrificing sleep
- worrying nonstop about the child’s future
But the child does not understand depth. The child responds only to presence. This is exactly how many adults behave with love. We cling to the people we can see. We forget the One who is actually providing everything.
The Highest Love Is Non Negotiable
Allah tells us straight:
“But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah.”
Surah Al Baqarah 2:165
https://quran.com/2/165
And Allah warns us very bluntly:
“If your fathers, sons, spouses, relatives, wealth, business, or homes you love are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and striving in His cause, then wait for Allah’s decision.”
Surah At Tawbah 9:24
https://quran.com/9/24
This verse punches straight to the ego.
If losing your spouse scares you more than losing your deen, your love is misaligned. If your child’s happiness is more important to you than Allah’s pleasure, your foundation is slipping.
Rasulullah Must Come Before Everyone Else
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“None of you truly believes until I am more beloved to him than his father, his child, and all people.”
Sahih Bukhari 15
Read Sahih al Bukhari 15
Cherish the Relationships Allah Gave You — But Do Not Let Ego Destroy Them
Just because family is not the highest love does not mean you treat them lightly.
You are commanded to honour them, care for them, and maintain beautiful character.
“And live with them in kindness.”
Surah An Nisa 4:19
Read Quran 4:19
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“The most perfect of believers are those with the best character.”
Jami at Tirmidhi 1162
Read Jami at Tirmidhi 1162
That means:
- Do not treat your family like they are replaceable.
- Do not speak to your parents with arrogance.
- Do not humiliate your children in anger.
- Do not let your wounded pride sabotage relationships.
- Do not abandon the people and responsibilities ALLAH has entrusted to you.
These people are gifts from Allah. If He trusted you with them, honour the trust.
The Heart’s Correct Order
A more useful way to think about love is through allegiance and responsibility rather than pretending human affection must disappear.
- ALLAH comes first in worship, obedience and ultimate allegiance.
- Rasulullah ﷺ is loved and followed as the Messenger of ALLAH.
- Family and other people can be deeply loved, honoured and cared for within the limits ALLAH has set.
- Worldly comforts can be enjoyed lawfully without becoming the thing that controls our choices.
The problem is not loving people too much in an emotional sense. The problem begins when love for anyone or anything repeatedly overrides what we know we owe to ALLAH.
More Reads
- Building Confidence – How Faith Enhances Self-Esteem in Muslim Women
- Ayat Kursi and Why Reciting It Changes Your Inner World – Episode 1
