“Brother, why do you tend to dominate conversations? The Art of Blaming Others!

Blaming Others within can manifest in various ways. Some common examples include judgmental attitudes, gossip and backbiting, lack of unity, hypocrisy, lack of support, exclusivity and cliques, lack of accountability, resistance to change, and neglect of social issues. It is crucial to approach these issues with empathy and work towards fostering a culture of self-improvement, understanding, and respect.

I met an individual who has been practicing silence for a few years, and I asked him why he doesn’t talk much. He replied, “Brother, why do you tend to dominate conversations during family functions or gatherings? People perceive you as knowledgeable, while some may see you as a show-off. Are you arguing to assert your stance? Do you quote others in your conversations? Do you indirectly discuss someone’s sins or mistakes that could hurt them? What do you gain from such conversations, trying to be right while making others feel wrong or foolish? Is it pride? Importance? A sense of feeling good or intelligent? Lastly, do you realize that the Quran contains all the answers and more, surpassing any knowledge possessed by any living beings?”

His gentle rebuke startled me, and I spent several months engaged in self-reflection. I realized that what he said was true. Many conversations involve backbiting and fault-finding, sometimes, subtly. We may say, “I know someone who…” and others may suspect who we are referring to. We may mention, “I don’t want to mention names,” but others might still infer the identity. Such discussions can lead to unhappiness and conflicts. Let’s be honest, it’s tempting to engage in controversial discussions. After months of self-reflection, I gradually became aware of the content of my usual conversations. Although I still participate in gatherings and speak, I have failed to correct myself sometimes, but there seems some improvement when people ask why I do not talk much. This change is also influenced by reciting and understanding the Quran. The act of recitation itself overwhelms me with a deep connection to the Quran. It has also heightened my awareness regarding many aspects of my life, urging me to improve. Through habitual recitation of the Quran and daily self-reflection, I have come to realize that our words can hinder our efforts to draw closer to the Almighty.

In Islam, one of the important principles is to avoid looking at the faults of others and instead focus on one’s own faults and shortcomings. This principle is known as “al-‘Uzla ‘an al-Nafs,” which translates to “abstaining from criticizing others and focusing on oneself.”

This principle is based on several teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), who emphasized the importance of self-reflection and self-improvement. One of the famous hadiths of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) states, “Do not look at the smallness of the sin but look at the greatness of the One you disobey.” This hadith encourages Muslims to focus on their own actions and avoid being judgmental or critical of others. In Islam, it is believed that all human beings are inherently flawed and imperfect. Therefore, it is not fair to judge or criticize others without first acknowledging and addressing our own faults and shortcomings.

“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sinful. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” Similarly, in a hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales.” This principle is rooted in the teachings of the Quran and the examples of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his companions, the Sahabah.

The Sahabah, the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), also advocated for this principle of not looking at others’ faults except one’s own. For example, Umar Ibn Al-Khattab, the second caliph of Islam, advised, “Hold yourself accountable before you are held accountable. Weigh your deeds before they are weighed. Prepare for the great presentation before you are presented. And be aware that death is enough of a reminder.” Similarly, Abu Bakr, the first caliph of Islam, advised, “O people, beware of criticizing others, for it creates enmity between people, and beware of suspicion, for it is the worst of false tales, and do not spy on one another, and do not try to find faults in others, and do not envy one another, and do not hate one another, and do not turn away from one another, and do not undercut one another in trade, but be brothers to one another and slaves of Allah.”

Some extremist Islamic groups may focus on the faults of others and engage in extreme forms of criticism and condemnation. This can lead to a culture of judgment and negativity, which can be harmful to both individuals and the broader Muslim community. Additionally, some extremists may adopt a rigid and literal interpretation of Islamic teachings, which can lead to intolerance and exclusion of those who do not adhere to their interpretation. In contrast, a more balanced and holistic approach to Islam emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility and self-improvement, while also recognizing the diversity and complexity of the Muslim community.

By focusing on one’s own faults and shortcomings and striving to improve oneself in accordance with Islamic teachings, individuals can contribute to a more positive and supportive Muslim community. In the contemporary world, the principle of not looking at the faults of others is particularly relevant in the context of social media and online interactions. Social media has made it easier than ever before to criticize and judge others, often without fully understanding the context or nuances of a situation. This can lead to a culture of negativity and judgment, which can be harmful to individuals and society. For example, many people use social media to express their opinions and beliefs, often in the form of comments on news articles, blog posts, or social media posts. While there is nothing inherently wrong with expressing one’s opinions, it is important to do so in a constructive and respectful manner. This means avoiding personal attacks or insults and focusing on the issues at hand.

Similarly, online debates and discussions can often become heated and divisive, with participants focusing on the faults of others rather than engaging in constructive dialogue. In these situations, it is important to remember the principle of focusing on one’s own actions and words. By striving to be respectful and constructive in online interactions, individuals can contribute to a more positive and productive online community. Overall, the principle of not looking at the faults of others is a timeless and universal principle that is relevant in all aspects of life, including in the contemporary world. By focusing on one’s own actions and words and striving to be respectful and constructive in interactions with others, individuals can contribute to a more positive and harmonious society.

Many of times, we come across individuals who might have a friendly debate on Islamic matters. For example, below is a table summarizing the arguments for both Islamic education and secular education in the context of a friendly debate:

In this debate, proponents of Islamic education argue for the importance of preserving Islamic identity, promoting moral values, and providing a holistic education that integrates faith with knowledge. On the other hand, supporters of secular education emphasize the benefits of diversity, critical thinking, academic excellence, scientific advancement, and cultural integration.

It’s important to note that this table provides a concise overview of the arguments and should not be seen as an exhaustive analysis. The actual debate would involve further elaboration, discussion, and consideration of various perspectives on the topic.

Regarding the challenges faced by Muslim students in secular schools, some examples include headscarf and dress code policies and the lack of halal food options. Muslim students who choose to wear the headscarf may face conflicts with dress code policies that prohibit religious symbols or head coverings. Additionally, the absence of halal food options can make it difficult for Muslim students to maintain their dietary restrictions.

The arguments can continue, with individuals presenting their own perspectives. Some Muslims who place their children in secular schools may argue that Islam is not rigid and that students can attend such schools with alternatives and compromises. For instance, a possible summarized compromise for the challenges faced by Muslim students in secular schools could involve implementing inclusive dress code policies that accommodate religious practices and providing halal food options in school cafeterias.

• • Religious Accommodation: Schools can work towards providing designated prayer spaces, allowing flexible scheduling for religious observances, and establishing clear guidelines for religious attire, ensuring that Muslim students can practice their faith comfortably within the school environment. Which is quite common in tertiary education due to the lengthy curriculum through the day.

• • Halal Food Options: Schools can explore offering halal food options in cafeterias or providing facilities for students to bring their own halal meals. This ensures that Muslim students have access to suitable and permissible food choices that align with their religious dietary requirements.

• • Education and Awareness: Educating students, teachers, and staff about the significance and cultural context of the hijab can foster understanding, respect, and tolerance within the school community. This can help dispel misconceptions and promote an inclusive environment.

By implementing these measures, schools can create an inclusive and supportive environment that respects the religious and cultural needs of Muslim students while maintaining the secular nature of education. Balancing the needs of Muslim students with the broader educational context fosters an atmosphere of understanding, respect, and equal opportunity for all students. However, it’s important to note that addressing the challenges faced by Muslim students in secular schools requires ongoing evaluation and adjustment to ensure their needs are adequately met. This is one of such fault findings many of us could have encountered. Some other could be:

• • Celebration of Mawlid: Sunni Muslims often commemorate the birth of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) through the observance of Mawlid gatherings and recitation of poetry, while Salafists tend to oppose such celebrations, considering them as bid’ah (innovation).

• • Maqam and Ziyarah: Sunni Muslims may visit the graves of pious individuals (maqam) and seek blessings or engage in supplication (ziyarah), considering it a means of drawing closer to God. Salafists may view these practices as shirk (associating partners with God) and discourage or reject them.

• • Cultural and Artistic Expressions: Sunni Muslims embrace various cultural expressions, including music, poetry, calligraphy, and Islamic art, as part of their religious and cultural heritage. Salafists may have reservations about certain forms of art and consider them as distractions or potential sources of deviation.

• • Intercession: Sunni Muslims believe in the possibility of intercession, where pious individuals, including the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), can intercede on behalf of believers on the Day of Judgment. Salafists may reject the concept of intercession, emphasizing direct individual accountability before God.

• • Sufi Practices: Sunni Muslims, particularly those influenced by Sufism, may engage in practices such as sama (spiritual music), dhikr (remembrance of God), and meditation to enhance their spiritual connection with God. Salafists often criticize or reject these practices as bid’ah or forms of religious innovation.

• • Role of Scholars and Schools of Thought: Sunni Muslims respect the diverse opinions and scholarship within their tradition, acknowledging the authority of various schools of thought (madhhabs) and the expertise of renowned scholars. Salafists may reject the authority of traditional scholars and advocate for a more literalist approach to Islamic teachings.

• • Engagement with Modern Sciences and Philosophy: Sunni Muslims often encourage the pursuit of knowledge in various fields, including modern sciences, philosophy, and social sciences, within an Islamic ethical framework. Some may have reservations or skepticism towards certain branches of knowledge that they perceive as conflicting with Islamic teachings.

These examples highlight specific areas of divergence between Sunni Muslims, Salafists and other sects in terms of religious practices, cultural expressions, theological beliefs, and interactions with other religious communities. It is essential to recognize the diversity within the Sunni Muslim community, and not all Sunni Muslims will necessarily hold the same perspectives on these matters. These examples are only for illustration purpose and not at all pinpointing any sect.

So, what and how to achieve getting closeness of the Almighty, if we are in the stage others’ fault, except mine?

Getting closer to Allah is a deeply personal and spiritual journey. Here could be some ways to focus on self-improvement and strengthen your relationship with ALLAH (s.w.t) without:

1. 1. Daily Prayers
   2. Recitation and Reflection on the Quran
   3. Supplication (Dua)
   4. Seeking Knowledge
   5. Voluntary Acts of Worship
   6. Practicing Good Character
   7. Observing Sunnah Practices
   8. Controlling the Nafs (Ego)
   9. Self-Accountability

   Okay, these suggestions may seem standard, and it’s possible that we already know or are aware of most of them. However, it can be perplexing when we reflect on these suggestions and wonder why they may not be effective in our lives. To gain further insight, I have reflected on these points and sought advice from pious individuals or those who are actively striving to purify themselves. Below is one experience I would like to share.

   Seeking Knowledge / Controlling the Nafs (Ego)

   This is a delicate matter that many individuals face. Seeking knowledge is not only a recommended practice (sunnah) but also an obligation in Islam. However, it is possible for someone to unintentionally appear condescending when sharing their knowledge. It’s important to recognize that knowledge is limited and can vary based on individual experiences. One answer may not be applicable in all situations.

   For instance, in some villages, it may not be encouraged for women to pray in the mosque, as it is obligatory for men to attend congregational prayers. In such cases, the mosques in smaller villages or towns may lack proper facilities for women. However, it becomes necessary to provide designated spaces for women to pray in mosques, especially in countries like the US, England and Malaysia, where mosques are larger and equipped with facilities for both genders. The reasons are the current situation where women have other responsibilities such as work and errands. Although the Quran does not specifically mention women attending mosques, the different madhabs (schools of thought) provide guidelines in this regard.

   It is worth noting that individuals who actively seek knowledge may possess factual information, but they may also be susceptible to the influence of their ego (nafs). Therefore, it is crucial to examine one’s ego when engaging in debates or providing answers, although it can be challenging. The individual I mentioned earlier claimed not to know much, but it seems that he possessed a considerable amount of knowledge. He was just afraid of me praising him and making his ego ‘happy’.

   Remember that knowledge should be coupled with humility and the intention to sincerely benefit others. By maintaining a balanced perspective, continuously purifying our intentions, and checking our egos, we can contribute positively to discussions and interactions while avoiding arrogance or condescension.

   In conclusion, our journey towards spiritual growth and righteousness requires constant vigilance in dealing with our ego. Even a tiny bit of ego can lead us astray and hinder our progress. It is crucial to recognize that ego can be destructive, akin to cancer that spreads and eventually consumes us. On the other hand, cultivating humility is like planting a seed that, when nourished with the teachings of the Quran and disciplined practices, has the potential to overpower the ego and forge a strong connection with the path to success.

   By acknowledging the detrimental nature of ego and actively working to curb its influence, we can strive for genuine humility and develop a closer bond with Allah. This entails regularly seeking self-reflection, engaging in acts of worship and remembrance, and humbly accepting our limitations as human beings. Through sincere devotion and a constant reminder of our dependence on Allah’s guidance, we can navigate the challenges posed by our ego and progress towards spiritual fulfillment and contentment.

   Remember, the journey towards self-improvement is a lifelong endeavor, and it requires consistent effort, self-awareness, and reliance on Allah’s mercy and guidance. May Allah bless us with the strength to overcome our ego and grant us humility in our pursuit of closeness to Him.